 |
|||
|
|
WRITINGS |  |
|
 |
Oprah/Nietzsche July, 2001 Friedrich Nietzsche was on Oprah last week. Maybe you caught him. Oprah: Today we have a very special guest, Fred Nietzsche, who's a philosopher, a philologist, and an insanely witty man, with a fascinating story to tell. Fred, I understand you were raised Lutheran? Nietzsche: Yes, all great Germans are raised in the clear blue-eyed spirit of Martin Luther, whose Bible is the only genuine German contribution to world literature. Lutherans are not as lazy as Roman Catholics, mind you, but still part of the Christian-ecclesiastical corruption unleashed on the world. Oprah: And what were your parents like? Nietzsche: The normal herd. Oprah: But those are your parents, Fred! Nietzsche: Ruminating cows. Oprah: Any women in your life? Nietzsche: Truth is a woman. Oprah: Any success in pursuing her? Nietzsche: She will not let herself be won! Oprah: And why not? Nietzsche: This question makes me feel sad and discouraged (Mr. Nietzsche pulls out a handkerchief and starts to cry). Oprah: Well, let's talk a little about growing up "Fred" in "the fatherland." How would you describe your spirit , Fred? You know, that core of you that says "this is Fred Nietzsche. This is what Fred wants today. This is how Fred likes to be taken care of." Fred: The geist (still sniveling). I did it all for the geist. Hegel had it all wrong. My geist, my geist, MY GEIST! Oprah: I see. Well, how do you get in touch with your "geist," Fred? Do you meditate? Do you pray? Do you do Yoga? How do you stay close to that deep centered Fred Nietzsche place? Nietzsche: Well, Oprah (stifling the sniveling), I find that writing nasty screeds against dutiful German do-gooders and soulless British atomizers centers me in that transvalued place I call Fred. Oprah: Now, you have a new book. Nietzsche: Yes, Frau Winfrey. I would very much appreciate it if you could mention it. Oprah: Here it is--can we get a close-up?--Fred Nietzsche's Book of Aphorisms For Today's Women . Tell us a bit about your little book, Fred. Nietzsche: Well, I've developed this theory I call the uberwench . The modern woman who's transcended all worries about weight. Oprah: Wow, Fred, how is this possible? Nietzsche: Well, she goes from being an overweight soul to an oversoul. Simply by removing "weight." So, now, instead of saying "I'm overweight," and feeling sad and defeated by the Sturm und Drag of it all, today's woman can say "I'm oversoul!," and yearn to rush out and take back Alsace-Lorraine!, er, I mean her personal power. Oprah: Well, Fred, I've read your other books, "Twilight of the Rock Idols," "Beyond Beyond Good and Evil," and "Spinoza Is Still Dead." Now, if I may paraphrase what you're generally saying, the bourgeois mock-heroic shenanigans, as you call them, of bored rich men floating around the world in hot air balloons, of our extreme interest in extreme sports, our obsession with face-lifted, liposucked, and tummy-tucked celebrities of mediocre talent, our deranged focus on the sexual peccadilloes of elected leaders, are all examples of the funneling of our will to power into trivial pursuits and away from genuine heroism, exemplified by the likes of Julius Caesar, Napoleon, and Fred Nietzsche. It seems you believe that we still have the instinctual yearning to dominate "nature," to win recognition for our domination, but in our free market posthistorical democracy the achievements of the dangerously great become defanged by mass media. The will to power at its highest, with its concomitant virtues of solitude, courage, intelligence, and a kind of species-enhancing tough love (as opposed to emasculating Judeo-Christian pity), gets diverted into a vacuous will to fame, regardless of virtue. For example, Madonna's triumph is not one of incisive content, but of misdirected will. Not of genuine love for others, but of solipsistic love of self, with its mock transgressions leading to a destruction of species spirit. In fact, you argue that saccharine feel-good victim shows like my own are killing the hearty, courageous, and noble virtues humans revered before Judeo-Christian "slave morality" appeared on the world stage. Nietzsche: Yo. Oprah: And what do you think of our President? Is he the new man you write about? Nietzsche: He is the last loafer. Actually, a grotesque of the last loafer. The Loafer in Chief. The Uber Loafer. A manifestation of democracy's desire to sleep. A symbol of stunted horizons and low expectations. Oprah: Now where can we get your book, Fred? Nietzsche: My book is on sale at GiordanoBrunoIsABigFatPussy.com. But for some reason nobody goes there. Oprah: We have to take a break. But when we come back, Fred Nietzsche is going to lead several audience members in a metaphysical makeover! Especially helpful if you have zero self esteem from listening to Laura Schlesinger all day. Stay tuned. We'll be right back with Fred Nietzsche! |
||
| HOME WRITINGS RESUME PRESS CONTACT BACK TO TOP | |||
